As I look around me, I am marveled at what I see.... green grass, beautiful mountains, great people, gorgeous water.... I'm still humbled that I was asked to come.... apart of me feels like I don't deserve it... I mean who am I.... I don't run a community center, I'm not an active participant in any non-profit, I don't have any grand ideas or have created a manual on how to work with the community..... I'm just Traci.. a simple girl with big dreams, a big heart and a open mind... How did I wind up in Newport Jamaica with these great people to discuss and learn about what God wants from us? How God wants to use us to transform communites? To become beacons of change? To use our God given talents and recreational talents to help shape the kingdom? To learn how to yield to the Holy Spirit? To allow the beauty of our uniqueness to shine through? Goodness...I humbled to experience this... but God how did I get here?
So how did I get here? I thank God for people that see things in me that I don't see. Simply put, we are are the eyes and ears of God that see and hear things that others dont. There are people around me that see what God has deposited into me but just hasnt come into fruitition. My journey began a few months ago when clearly heard God speaking to me that my life needed to change. 2013 had to be different... I had to change the way I viewed ministry... How I viewed GODS ministry... How I saw God working through me... I had to have a chit chat with myself and with God...
November and December were months of me speaking things as if they were even though they are not.. I knew I wanted to be a full time student... I wanted God to revamp my view on who I am and who I am to the body of Christ.... I just needed a change... My heart was becoming distorted... I wasn't sure of myself anymore...I was loosing my desire for ministry.... I felt the energy draining from me.... I didnt like the way I was viewing ministry and the tasks that God had given me.... I wanted to walk away and do something else... My spirit was willing but my flesh was weak.... I had allowed disappointment after disappoint topush me away from my call to ministry.... In essence, I threw my hands up, put on my Traci face and smile....went on like there was nothing wrong and conducted myself like I normally would... But to those who knew me....knew something was wrong...
I wanted and needed to be different.... I knew a change of heart was inevitable... But a part of me was done with the foolishness that I was willing to stay in this desperate spot until whenever....but I knew that I couldnt do that either.... So here I am praying one day and I clearly heard the Holy Spirit whisper to me a change has come.... you can only be free from this thing through......*wait for it** fasting and prayer *BIG SIGH* Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.... who wants to fast?? Thats not fair.... I don't want to give up anything... God I love to eat, my and my phone are attached at the hip, my car is my lifeline.... Goodness you have got to be kidding me..... The kid in me is jumping up and down throwing a fit... whining .. hollering crying SCREAMING....NOOOOOOO GOD...... *crosses arms* I dont wanna....
Then God took me to Mark 9;.... Help my unbelief.....This thing is too big for me to handle... God, help my unbelief... Traci you cant shake this your own....This you have to give to me.... Give EVERYTHING to me.....Then verse 29 reads....This can only come out through FASTING and PRAYER.....
GREAT... here we go.... Jesus be a fence...
Here we go.... Daniel Fast is what God laid on my heart.... I wasn't ready for the move that God was about to do in my life... I wish I could tell you all what really happened to me in detail... thats a later blog post.....That Fast is what got me prepared for what I see now... what I am about to experience now.... how I am able to deal with what God is about to do in life....
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